10 days until the close of my first semester here at Mars Hill Graduate School and I’m finding it hard to put into words how I’m actually feeling. More than just being physically tired, I have discovered that it is my heart that is weary. My heart is tired of breaking, thinking, weeping, and growing. I am overwhelmed. I am anxious. I am exhausted. And then I think – Stop. Sit. Breathe. Sometimes this works, most of the time it doesn’t.
However, in middle of all this chaos something comes that I hadn’t expected: hope. And not just the kind of hope that says that everything is going to be all right; it is hope of a different brand all together. This hope has come in the form of something I’m beginning to refer to as my “dot of hope.” It isn’t big, not much to look at, in fact. But to me, this single, solitary dot of hope calls me to hope for an even bigger dot…a deeper dot…a wider dot…a dot without end.
The real truth is I’m not sure if I have much more than my little dot of hope right now. Like I said it isn’t much, but for me, right now, it is everything. It sits in the center of my heart, it is tiny and white, and it is calling me. Calling me back to my story, calling me into this very moment, and calling me forward to a future story with an unknown ending.
And so I am left with my dot and a question. What would happen, if even for one moment, I to chose to stay in this unknown chaos and tension? What would happen if I truly began to write a new story with my Creator?
I suppose that is what I am here to find out.